I am “Mommy Blogger”, Hear Me Roar

Yesterday PunditMom posted “Stigmommies? We Can Do Better”, which expressed her irritation about negatively being referred to as a “Mommy Blogger”. She wrote: “The term mommy blogger, for some, has a stigma and conjures an image of a woman in stained sweats, a couple of toddlers in tow, using a blog as a journal of her daily toils and troubles.” I looked down at my stained sweats and over at Tavi and Bea. Her post and the trailing oppression I felt after reading from subsequent commentors left me unable to write. Is what I have to say and what I think any less valid because I choose to discuss my children and parenting woes in a public forum? I do have a life aside from being a mother, but being a mother is a huge part of who I am. Even PunditMom by her own definition is a “mom”.  Other wise she is PunditWoman. (I’m not picking on her; I like her blog.)

Many of the responding comments encouraged PunditMom and some reassured her that she isn’t really a “Mommy Blogger”. But what I found most interesting is: why is “Mommy Blogger” a negative term? Many labels can leave the wearer sticky and exposed, but it is empowering to turn that language around and redefine who we are. Am I a “Mommy Blogger”? Yes, obviously. But while I am a mommy, I am also a filmmaker, a writer, a wife, an illustrator, a friend, a daughter, a sister and a Sagittarius. Parenting is a lifestyle and I most often write about my daily foibles. Its what I know. Write what you know. The personal is political.

Sometimes I resent my children for depriving me of a larger life. But I would not be any more productive if I had made different choices. My children motivate me. It’s important to find time for my own pursuits to serve as an example of life’s complexity for my daughters. I want them to weigh all the consequences presented to them, to become critical thinkers, to make good decisions.

Not to sound defensive, but choosing to stay at home with my children was largely an economic decision. Between my pregnancies, I intended to return to work to finish a project after having a second child. But once we detected that second fetal stowaway on board, my husband and I could not work out the math. I was unable to generate enough income to justify childcare for a preschooler and twin infants. But that was a choice I made – having children. Once, before the three of them came along, my husband and I considered trading roles. He would stay at home while I worked. But the reality is I cannot compete with his salary; it is not just enough money for the comforts to which we’ve grown accustomed, but a livable wage.

And parenting changes you; the experience offers new insights into our own lives. It also changes a person professionally. Take musicians, specifically They Might Be Giants, for example. I buy all the their kids CDs. (Well, ok I borrow them from the library because I’d rather spend my money on traveling than an extensive music collection.) I like the band and my kids love their silly songs. How great is it that the whole family can enjoy the music together? But no one calls them a kid’s band in a negative way. Are they “Daddy Musicians”?  I’m sure they get some grief from other musicians in the community, but they are prolific and they are great. (Not to mention they are making a decent amount of money!) I’m sure parenting inspired their choice to create children’s material.

Blogging builds community and women constructing community predates the Internet. Many women as well as men write about the act of parenting. If you remove “Blogger” from the title and just call us “Mommies” is it any less negative? Because really, this query posed by PunditMom is a reflection of how the choice for women to become mothers is revered in our culture.

So I chose to have children and I choose to write about it. If that makes me a “Mommy Blogger”, then hear me roar. The term doesn’t offend me. I’m happy to play a small part in a larger cultural phenomenon. Besides, it’s cheaper than therapy.

Comments

[Mommy Blog]

Very well!
that was really informative !!
i was bother to the I am “Mommy Blogger”, Hear Me Roar
but very nice article .. enjoying reading it and a lot of learning..

[Her Bad Mother]

I am totally a mommy. I don't give a f*** if that bothers some people. I'm a mommy, and I blog, and if someone can't see the genius in that then whatevs.

(Wrote about this last year: http://badladies.blogspot.com/2006/03/mommy-by-any-other-name-would-still.html)

(LOVE your blog!)

[Kelly O]

Very well said. I'm always up for a conversation about semantics. I should clarify, though, because I'm one of the people who said I didn't think PunditMom's blog (which I also read regularly and really like) is a mommy blog. I think I write a mommy blog. By that I mean I intentionally write mostly about my kids, mostly for the audience I'm related to, and somewhat superficially, and I don't mean that in a pejorative way.

But your point about TMBG (they now write kid albums; who calls them "Daddy Musicians"?) is excellent. I may have to rethink the whole thing!

[Unfit Mother]

Oh, no offense taken, PM! I agree ours is a hard reputation to prove serious. But someone will always tag us with an unsavory label. I figure I might as well embrace the semantics and reshape the perceptions of others. (I big heart PunditMom blog =;?}

[PunditMom]

Oh, I wasn't trying to offend. All of us have things to say that are worthwhile. Writing about our children is a worthwhile and great thing. I write about PunditGirl all the time. I was just trying to say that I think many of us get a bad rap. I've got plenty of sweats (tho' as part of my self-delusion, I like to call them yoga pants!).

This IS cheaper than therapy. I just think that the mainstream media could find something a little more respectful to call those of us who write about motherhood.