stream from my journal, December 2001:
Birth
Come on, push pushpushpush
Push through the burn
Puking
IV leaking
Green bucket
My name is placenta, I live on the pelvic floor…*
Socks, stocking feet
You may think you’re alone right now, but you’re not.
Warm water
Where’s G?
Stop the toilet
19th or 20th: hell-raiser or generator*
You could have this baby right now.
Resting
“Oh my god, it's a baby… what am I going to do with it?”
Short umbilical cord
Before
Walking in labor, landscapers on the street throwing football, speaking Spanish
In the parking lot, a van driving around me
Lunges on the steps
Looking for neighborhood kitties; Fetch and his little “brother”
Hip pain, hip pain, hip pain
Steamy house, hot water
Naked, embarrassed to be so chubby
After
Stitches
Placenta pushed out on my bed
C sewing me, J holding Ivy
Her first suck on my breast – the pain but satisfaction that I’m capable
Midwives looking for something for her to wear
(She is she and her like I am I and me)
CT saw her first – a few hours later, then Bob V.
H left first, then J
The midwives were here all night
Can I give you some instructions?
Showered, A helping me.
Birth
J holding me. Out of the tub, the pain in my hips!
Finally being able to get in the tub
Squatting in there
Waiting to push
Leaking IV
you’re not alone
Sleeping, everyone is sleeping around me in the dark.
The same music is playing over and over: Massive Attack, Mezzanine
Women whispering on my couch, I feel alone
Thank you J
J telling me her vision of my birth: tribe people lifting me from a fire
It's a girl! Girl? Girl!
G is washing dishes
Giving birth is about women.
Happy Birthday, Ivy J. You will always be my first baby.
*Sung to the tune of My Name is Luca
*From The Book of Birthdays
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