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December 05, 2007


Meagan Francis

apologies...I meant Unfit Mother, not Unfit Mom!

Meagan Francis

I just followed a link over from Katie Granju's blog...

Radical Mama, I so identified with your comment. I had my first at 20, and had four kids by 28 (I'm 30 now). There were struggles along the way, yes, but we are in a good and solid place now and I don't think I would have gotten here any faster or more whole if I'd put off motherhood. I was floating through life when I got pregnant with my oldest and it gave me the kick in the pants I needed to hunker down, figure out what I wanted out of life and grow up.

I just think it's such an individual thing that you can't really know what might have been. Unfitmom, you obviously charted a course that was right for you, but I don't think you know what you might have been capable of in your twenties if faced with no other choice. Your sister is your sister; you are you. Having kids doesn't make you a different person from who you are. Motherhood at any age can create obstacles and difficulty, yes, but it can also create opportunity.


ps: Hanna Andersson is The Djävul.

I'm so bad that I have even taken to buying M's underwear from there. Which is silly because I'm sporting the 6 for $5 pack of Hanes from Target.

If I had a girl, I imagine it would ten times worse.


I'm 35 and I am the only one of my original group of friends (30-40s) who has a child. So in Boston, I am a young mom, or at least no one considers me an older mom. Older is more like 45 and up.

Weird, huh?


One other thing is that around where I live I do feel a little 'old' actually as most of the first time moms are in their late 20s that I meet up with. A lot of women my age are like you and maybe had their first child 5 or 6 years ago so are not so interested in the 'newborn 'babble' etc.

Unfit Mother

MT - I was actually 29 and a half when I married (same year as you).

Andy, girl, if you have not been to the Hannah Anderson outlet in Lake Oswego, you are missing out on the pilgrimage of your life! $5 creepers - it's madness over there when they have the 50% off sales. I bought a $80 winter coat for Ivy for like $25.

RM- I thought about you when I was writing that post. You may be the youngest mom I know =;?}

radical mama

It's different for everyone. I had A when I was 22. John and I were laughing in the car the other day. When we met, I said I wasn't having kids until I was at least 30. And now, I'll have had four before I turn 30.

Sometimes I think, I wish I would have waited and moved around more and gone to Europe alone. But really? I know wouldn't have. I had already failed out of school and I would have kept waiting tables for beer and rent money until I was 30 and then what? My kids gave me the inspiration I needed to finish school and grow the hell up like I should have in the first place.

But I don't think my kids will have kids when they are young. Having educated, professional parents I hope will help them to expect an education and profession for themselves. John and I were both the first in our families to graduate college, and it was a real struggle for us. We had both dropped out before we had kids.


There's a Hanna Anderson outlet?

Sorry - a little sidetracked there.

And I had my first chid at 26. It's older than a lot of people I know, but I still feel very young to be having children. I couldn't imagine having kids any younger than that.


I read your post and laugh because I think 'Did you really get married at 28? God, that is so young!" I was 30 when I married and 37 when I had my baby (and when I was getting married wondered if I was too young!?!). My biggest regret in waiting so long to have children is that I feel rushed to decide when or if there will be a number 2.

In terms of your hypothesis, my mom was 36 when she had my brother and 39 when she had me.

And my only feeling of wanting to do-over my life would be for me to have roared through my 20s with more self-confidence and direction.

Curious about the email? I didn't read it as a slam on your sister.

Unfit Mother

An old friend sent me an email in response to this post. Part of it said:

My real issue with your post is that after slapping your sibling and then saying its not
a slap, you just gloss over all the real stuff about yourself. I knew you when you met
your husband to be, I knew whatever you told me about your life at the time and how you saw things. I remember the misgivings you had about going down this path with this man. I remember the food at your reception. I remember going to your house and meeting your new baby.

Everything I know about you is still very limited and it is skewed by my reality but I would really like to hear more detail about your life that fills in the blanks

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